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"If you’re flying with children… What were you thinking? ((pause)) I’m only kidding. Once the oxygen masks drop down, pick which kid you think has the most potential and let that color your next move."
"If the life vest doesn’t inflate, you can inflate it manually by blowing in the red tube at your shoulder. If that doesn’t work, this is seriously not your day."
"We ask that you keep your seat belt fastened at this time. The pilot said he is going to try something new. "
wearing all black today to mourn the death of my motivation
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